From Fear to Fruition

When I entered the first day of math class in year one of my teacher education I was beyond terrified. Not only was I never a confident math student but my experience with Elevate My Math leading up to first year demonstrated that my skills had not grown, and more than likely depleted since the last time I took a formal math class (let’s estimate that was in the Eleventh Grade). My only saving grace was the fear I saw mirrored in many of my fellow teacher candidates. We then did an activity that basically asked how we felt about being in a math class. This solidified my inkling that most people felt the same way, if not worse than I did. However, as the course went on my fear began to float away as my confidence grew. By the end of the course I wouldn’t say I was ready to be a math teacher but I was definitely more ready than I had been twelve weeks prior.

Flash forward to day one of math in year two of my teacher education. As much as I would like to tell you that I walked in full of jumping beans ready to tackle the year, I did not. Once again, I walked in with fear knowing how lucky I had gotten to not teach math in my placement in block one but also knowing that I would definitely be looking forward to a placement of teaching math in block two. Similar to last year we did an activity that asked how we felt about math and finally my growth from the previous year came back to me. I remembered that first day fear and how much more overwhelming it was; I compared it to my current state which was no longer drowning fear but nervous excitement. I looked around the classroom and listened to the details of the course to come and became eager to get going, to grow my confidence and to enter block two ready to make sure that none of my students leave their year with the fear of math I had developed when I was their age.

Watching the math module videos once again solidified my knowledge that the fear and nervousness that I have felt can go away, and will go away if I continue trying to open my mind and grow my mindset. The myths about the stereotypes of math vs. non math people made me remember the importance of ‘yet’. When my students tell me they don’t know the answer to a question, I’ll remind them they may not know it yet. Just like I may not feel like a math teacher YET but with perseverance and positivity I know I will.